Bloodlust
by Age of Jasper
Summary: Jasper Whitlock has known nothing but a life with Maria filled with lust, blood and rage. When he sees Peter and Charlotte run away, he is introduced to a world of possibilities and hope that he has never known.


_**Title: **Bloodlust_

_**Rating: **M_

_**Pairing: **Maria/Jasper_

_**Notes: (if applicable) **Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer and I have used some concepts and lines from Eclipse (book and movie) which belong to her as well.  
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Texas in 1940

The night was a comfort to me. As a human, I'd never liked it. I'd always been scared of the dark as a child. My mama would sit with me on my bed and rock me back to sleep when I woke in the middle of the night and could only see shadows. She'd tell me stories about sunshine or remind me of the beautiful beaches near us. I'd fall back to sleep, dreaming of bright blue skies and rolling waves to match. When I was older, the dark still scared me, but not for the same reasons at all. I wasn't scared of the dark itself, but of the evils that lurked in it. I was at war on the battlefield all day, but the real fight was in my head while I slept. It was the battle of trying to figure out what was real and what was a nightmare as I heard gunshots and screams of pain. Yes, the night had always been terrifying because I never knew what it would bring, little did I know, that I would one day be the monster that hid in the shadows of the night.

Now, at night, I could roam around with ease unlike the daytime where my glimmering skin would cause a stir among any town I was in. It was the only thing I really liked about being a vampire. I looked forward to the nights that I was allowed to wander on my own and could walk down the shorelines of Texas watching the stars in the sky. The stars were the only things that looked the same to me as when I was human. They would always be there sparkling in the sky above no matter how many centuries I lived and they had always been there when I was nothing but an innocent human.

I kicked at the doorway of the barn with the toe of my cowboy boot and sighed. As much as I loved the nighttime now, it still had its moments of horror. Doing Maria's dirty work was just one of them. A full moon meant it was time to eliminate the weakest newborns. I fingered the crumbled piece of paper in my pocket. It was tonight's list written in Maria's messy script. The name Charlotte caught my eye and sent a pang through my dead heart. I knew that Peter was fond of her. She was a fair fighter, but her newborn strength was weakening and she would be of no use to Maria anymore. Peter would remain with us for at least a little while longer. Though his strength was also waning, it was clear that he was a skilled fighter with experience, though not nearly as much as myself.

"Jasper." She whispered into my ear as she wrapped her arms around my torso

"Maria." I nodded, trying to keep my focus on the night sky

"Look at me, mi corazon." She murmured, running her fingers through my hair

I could feel the lust radiating off of her.

"Not tonight." I said, turning to face her

She frowned at me and tried to read my eyes, but came up blank. She wasn't one to read emotions. I was pretty sure that she never felt anything but lust and rage anyway. Everything she did was for territory or blood. I didn't know how to label Maria except for her being my puppeteer. She pulled the strings and I did as she wanted. The memories were dim, but I knew that we were nothing like my parents. I could see them easily as they rocked on the porch swing side by side as the sun set, my father whispering sweet nothings in my mother's ear. The whispers in my ear were never pleasant. They were demands and orders, nothing more.

"Jasper." She snapped, more defiant and her whisper completely gone

"Maria, I just want to be alone." I hissed, "Is that too much to ask? I know what you need me to do. I have the list and Peter's agreed to help me do it. I just need a moment to try and block out their feelings so it doesn't get in the way of what I have to do."

She nodded and gave me a small smile, patting me lightly on the shoulder to show me that it was alright, but I could feel her disappointment and anger.

"You alright?" someone asked

I didn't need to turn around to see that it was Peter. He was just on time. I'd asked him to meet me here to dispose of the newborns. I needed his support as much as I needed his help. He was genuinely concerned, though I didn't need my gift to know that. Peter may not have understood the depth of my gift, but he knew it was a burden to me and he tried his best to help me cope with it.

"Are you ready, Jay?"

"Ready as I'll ever be, son." I sighed, turning to face him

"I'll get them." He said, walking out of the barn to gather anyone who was on the list

A moment later he brought back about a dozen of our army and motioned to them to come inside the farm. It was a larger list this time, which meant that later tonight Maria and I would have to start the hunt for new members to join our ranks. I tried to shake away the thought as I paced back and forth in front of the nervous line of young vampires that Peter had assembled for me. Charlotte stood on the end biting her lip and looking up at me with anxious eyes. She knew what was coming, but she wasn't giving off as much fear, confusion and nervousness as the others. She gave me a slight nod, knowing that it wasn't my decision to let her go and that Peter and I had done everything in our power to try and get Maria to change her mind, but Maria was stubborn. She was giving off another emotion though, but I couldn't seem to place it. She tossed a light smile at Peter, but he only looked pained and couldn't meet her glance.

I tried not to focus on Charlotte struggling to meet Peter's eyes and instead on blocking out the fear and confusion of the others in the line. Surely, some of them knew what was coming, but I don't think they knew how I would go about doing it. I would try to make it as quick and painless as possible because I didn't want to see them suffer, but I knew that some of them would be determined to fight back against me and that would only make the pain worse for them. They didn't realize how weak they'd become compared to them first being changed, and they were nowhere as close to experienced as me. It would never be a fair fight. They didn't stand a chance, and that's exactly how Maria wanted it. I might have been controlled by her, but they were disposable. She didn't even know their names. I tried my best to know who they were when they were able to communicate with me. Most of them were so driven by thirst and fighting that they couldn't concentrate enough to speak with me, but I did try.

I finally stopped pacing when I felt that I was blocking as many of their emotions as possible, and I concentrated as I sent a wave of calmness over the line. It was as close to an anesthetic as I could give them. Even though they were calmer now and slightly out of it, I could still feel some of their feelings and I shuddered, but I didn't let it stop me as I stalked forward. I settled in front of the first boy and took an unnecessary deep breath, but it was for my nerves rather than the desire for air. I couldn't let my emotions spread to the others or chaos would ensue. I closed my eyes for a moment and concentrated on what I was about to do.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, watching with sadness as the boy's eyes grew wide with fear. If he hadn't known before, he certainly knew what was coming now. I gripped him tightly, making sure to lock his hands behind his back so he couldn't get his arms around me, and when he stopped struggling and trying to fight back, I reached for his head and gave it a slight tug. A female let out a shrill scream as the head rolled to the floor of the barn. I could smell the fire that Peter started outside and I focused on the smell instead of ripping off the rest of the limbs and leaving them on the ground for Peter to collect. I moved down the line as quickly as possible, leaving the limbs on the floor. Peter followed behind me gathering them up as if they were pieces of fire wood before he threw them into the growing fire. I was nearing the end and I breathed a sigh of relief as I saw that I only had two more. I grasped the newborn's hands to trap him when I saw Peter drop the limbs that had been in his hands.

"Peter?" I asked, whipping around to see what was wrong

In the second I had let go of the newborn, he took control of me and was laughing, thinking that he stood a chance at killing me. He might have had the upper hand, but I knew how he would try to hurt me and he wouldn't get away with it.

"I'm sorry, Jasper." Peter whispered, frowning at me

"Peter wha-

"Charlotte, run!" he screamed at the shy, young vampire with white-blonde hair

She looked panicked and shocked, but she listened to Peter and ran out of the barn, as I was too occupied to stop her.

"Keep going, Char! Keep going. Don't you dare look back." He yelled

I knew what he was doing now, but I didn't have the heart to stop him. I concentrated on the new born who was now in my control as I ripped his arm out of its socket with great force.

"I'm sorry, Jay." He said, looking down at the floor

"Go, Peter." I said

He looked up at me as if to check again.

"Go, before Maria kills us both. Go!" I hissed, watching as he ran out of the barn and across the field to find Charlotte

"We'll come back for you, Jasper." He yelled, but I doubted that was true

I kicked the remaining body parts together and pushed them towards the fire outside that was now a bright, glowing purple. It was easier if you didn't treat them like people. I didn't know if you could call us people anymore anyway. I stood in front of the fire and watched as the purple smoke floated towards the black night sky.

"Jasper!" Maria shrieked, "Jasper! There are two newborns on the loose! They're getting away. Why haven't you gone after them?"

"Because it's not necessary." I spoke, trying to remain calm as I answered her

"Of course it's necessary. You were supposed to dispose of them." She growled, "Do you want the volturi coming after me, Jasper? We just won this territory. Don't you want to be able to stay here for a while and feed without having to fight?"

"They're not going to run away to the volturi, Maria. It's just Peter and Charlotte. They're harmless."

"Peter?" she seethed, "After I promised to keep him for an extra year? Where does he get the nerve to-

"I let them go. They're of no use to you anyway, and they'll steer clear of you. You can be sure of that."

"I can't be sure of that." She spat, "I can only hope. I can only worry everyday now because you let them go. You know better than that, major. Next time, stick to your orders, or I'll snap your head off myself and you won't have to worry about getting things right anymore."

"Enough." I yelled, "There's no harm done. They're gone. They're not going to the volturi, and they're not going to try and win back the territory that you've gained. They'd be foolish to try."

"Of course there's harm done." She said, but she was calmer now, only in part to my gift. She knew we couldn't turn on each other now, not with the powerful army we'd built together that we had to keep in order. She'd already lost Nettie and Lucy by losing her temper and turning on them. She wouldn't do that to me. I was of too much use for her.

"Just remember, Jasper, that you may have been a major, but I gave you this life, and I give you these commands and you will follow them. I'll let it go this time, but you are only second in command. If you feel the need to call your own shots, then you're free to go as well, but if we cross paths, I will kill you and any army that you create."

"Maria." I sighed, combing my hand through my hair

"I'll find you later, carino. I need to find something to sink my teeth into instead of your tempting neck." She snapped, before gliding away into the night with her long white dress flapping behind her and her black curls bouncing against her back. She was angry, but it wouldn't last. After she got some blood into her, she'd be back on the warpath for territory and not my head on a platter. If I had to guess, she'd probably come back with one of two new members for me to train. She was talented with her control when she wanted to be, though you wouldn't guess it from her temper.

I walked away from her and settled down with my legs up on a bail of hay. How could I have missed the feelings that Peter so clearly had for Charlotte? He had risked his life for her. I closed my eyes and willed sleep to come, though I knew it would never arrive. All I wanted was a few hours of solace, was that too much to ask? Giving up on escaping reality, I glared up at the stars until the sky turned from its midnight black to a light pink telling me that the sun was rising and that Maria was probably back.

As if on cue, I felt her arms slink around me and her cool breath on my ear.

"I think you need to apologize for what you did earlier." She murmured, kissing my neck as her fingers trailed down my chest searching for the snaps on my shirt

"Maria." I sighed, not wanting to get into this now, but she mistook my sigh as a sign of pleasure

"There's the Jasper I know." She smirked, coming around to face me. Her fingers began to work on the snaps, but she was quickly frustrated and opted for ripping the shirt in half instead. I looked away, not wanting to see her face as she took in all of the new scars on my chest that I'd recently acquired. She felt that they made me look weak and vulnerable, where as I thought that others would feel threatened by my obvious experience. Either way, they weren't something that I liked to show off, and I itched for the fabric to cover me again.

My irritation was rubbing off on her and she glared at me. "Control your emotions, major." She hissed, "Just give into your instincts."

And so I did. I let go and gave her what she wanted for the hundredth time, but it was getting old. I watched Maria as she fixed her barely ruined hair and adjusted her dress. "There are two others in the barn. They should be done screaming in three days and then you can change them." She said, giving me a quick peck on the cheek and then walking away.

This went on for a few more years. Maria would give me orders and I would fulfill them. I would train, kill and seduce all on her command. But on one night, I was sitting on the roof of a barn looking up at the sky when I was supposed to be on watch for Maria as she looked at the progress of our newest batch of newborns. A rustle of branches from not that far away startled me, and I crouched in a defensive position, ready to attack whatever human was dumb enough to come near us. Maria would decide if the intruder was worthy or not of joining the army and if they weren't, it would be my job to kill them.

"Jasper!" someone called softly, causing me to lose my focus

I looked out into the dark and searched for where the voice had come from.

"Peter?" I asked, laughing to myself as I jumped down from the roof of the barn without a sound

"I said that I would come back." He grinned

"Where's Charlotte?" I asked, noticing that he was alone. I hoped they hadn't turned on each other since they had left us.

"She's a little while away. She thought it would be easier for me to just come and get you."

"Now's not really the best-

"Jasper?" Maria questioned, coming into view, "What seems to be going on?"

I turned to answer her, but her blood-red eyes were already glaring and making the connection.

"You." She seethed, "You've come back to battle for territory, haven't you? Did you plan to fight us on your own, or do you have an army waiting for us in the cornfield? I told Jasper this would happen."

Peter held up his arms in surrender. "I only came for Jasper, that is, if he wants to leave. I hadn't planned on running into you."

"Well, Jasper won't be leaving with you, so you had better get out of here before I snap your neck." She fumed

I growled softly, unhappy that she had threatened Peter and that she felt she could make decisions for me. Who was she to control me? Sure, she had given me this life, but that was a curse and I was still my own person.

"I'm leaving." I snarled, shocked to hear the words said out loud.

"That's not your choice to make, major." She snapped, but her voice was softer.

Maria turned to me and looked me in the eye. "I'm not telling you to stay, but I want you to know that if you leave right now, there's no turning back. You will be my enemy. Everything that we have shared will mean absolutely nothing to me if our paths cross. You'll regret breaking our truce."

"You know what? I don't think I will." I decided, walking away in the direction that Peter had come from

"You'll never survive out there!" she screamed

"Watch me." I hissed, running ahead with Peter on my trail

I did my best to ignore the shrieks and Spanish curses coming from behind us as we ran.

"Where are we going?" I finally asked, once the yelling had gone silent

"North." Peter grinned, "You'll love it. There's no battle for territory. Everyone is nomadic traveling by themselves or in a small coven. No war. No fight for blood or land. Everyone minds their own business and feeds whenever they feel like it."

I nodded.

"Will you miss her?" he asked, "I know you two were…close."

"I don't think that I will. She changed me, in more ways than one. I just couldn't do it anymore, and if you and Charlotte are still alive then there had to be another way. I can't keep taking innocent lives that have been pulled into this horror of a world. And what Maria and I had wasn't something that I'll miss. There was no connection. She used me."

Peter didn't answer and I was grateful for his silence as we ran. Only a little while later, I noticed a familiar scent and Peter smiled as we slowed to a walk through some trees.

"Char." He called out into the darkness

"Oh, you both made it back." She smiled, emerging from behind a tree and running to hold Peter in her arms. I watched as he kissed her softly on the lips and told her that he'd missed her while he was gone. If I ever chose to go back to Maria, she would never have greeted me that way. She would probably laugh and smile as she ripped me limb from limb and threw me into a fire.

Charlotte stepped away from Peter and looked up into my eyes. She started to go in for what I supposed was a hug, but I instinctively flinched away from her and took up a defensive position. She pursed her lips in disappointment, and offered her hand instead.

"Thank you for saving my life." She spoke softly

I took her hand that she'd offered and brought it to my lips to kiss it.

"I wouldn't call it saving your life, but I hope it has given you more time with Peter and that you're happy." I said, attempting a smile.

She smiled back and wrapped her arm around Peter's waist protectively.

"Shall we hunt?" Peter asked

We agreed to go further a few miles until we came across an area near a hiking path where there would surely be a group of lost hikers that wouldn't be missed for a while. Sure enough, up ahead there was a couple wandering around aimlessly. The woman held a map in her hands but it seemed to be of no use to her. The man was cursing and frowning at what looked like a compass in his hand. Peter decided that I should have the man and that they would split the woman and I agreed, but only after offering to share my portion, to which they refused.

"Excuse me." I said, unnecessarily clearing my throat as I approached the couple, "You two look like you could use some help." I laughed

"Oh, thank goodness." The woman replied, handing me her map, "We were on this trail here and we seem to have taken a wrong turn at some point."

I nodded with understanding as her husband came to stand beside us. "I'm not much good with a compass either." He mumbled

"I can get you folks back on the right trail." I drawled with a smile as I felt their trust and calmness surround me

"Thank you so much!" she said, "It's a good thing we ran into you." She smiled

_No, it really wasn't a good thing that you'd run into me_, I thought.

"Mind if I see that compass for a second?" I asked the man

"It's not doing me any good." He laughed, handing it over

His scent was intoxicating as he laughed and I dropped the compass in the dirt below me, suddenly overwhelmed by the scent.

"Hey!" he protested, as the heel of my boot broke the glass of the compass as I got closer to him

I looked into his eyes flashing him a look of apology before I leaned in and bit his neck, immediately draining the sweet, hot blood from him. It wasn't long before he was silent and his eyes were glazed over, allowing me to finish him off in silence. The woman's scream was cut off seconds later as Charlotte and Peter worked as a team to knock her to the ground and bite her different spots, draining her of blood right away. When I was done, I wiped the blood away from my mouth with my sleeve and went to go sit on a nearby boulder as Charlotte and Peter finished off.

I couldn't shake the guilt off of me. Surely, no other of our kind felt guilty after taking a life. It was the only way to sustain ourselves, wasn't it? It was their trust that got me. They never thought for a second that I would try to hurt them because I looked so kind and trusting. They had no idea what was coming for them. Even after I'd attacked the man, the woman had no chance to connect what was going on and run for help. Who would believe her that some man had sucked blood from her husband in the woods? Surely, she would sound crazy.

I frowned, if only my mama could see me now. She had always told me that you caught more flies with honey, but who would have thought that I'd be using her advice to murder innocent people? I could make them feel safe and trusting, but I couldn't stop myself from feeling their initial fear once the feeding frenzy began. Peter, Charlotte and I continued on like this for a while, but it only got worse. I was fine until we had hunted, and then I'd be overwhelmed with guilt. Peter didn't understand it. He didn't think there was anything immoral about what we were doing. "We're the eternally damned, Jasper. I hardly think it's a problem if we kill a few people to satisfy our thirst." He'd said. But Charlotte sympathized with me even if she didn't feel the same. She suggested that I didn't think of them as people, but that was impossible to do. Every person we killed was someone. Someone's mother, father, sister, brother, cousin, friend, husband, wife. The connections were endless, but there was no way to picture them as nothing. They would never simply be sustenance to me.

I finally decided that I was a burden to Peter and Charlotte and that I needed to be going my own way. I had been pouring my guilt and regret on them for months and that wasn't fair to them. Besides, they had run away to be together and I was making that impossible for them by hanging around. They assured me that they didn't mind at all and that they'd come back for me, but I knew they were just being kind and wanted more time alone. I promised to find them eventually, but it would be better for me to be alone for a while.

"Try and keep in touch." Charlotte said and Peter agreed. I told them that I would, but I was doubtful.

I wandered alone for a long time, trying to ignore the delicious scents that I came across. A glimpse of my reflection in a nearby river told me that my eyes were black and I hadn't fed in a while. The guilt was just too much to bear, so I'd been avoiding feeding and hunting. I didn't know where to go. I toyed with the idea of heading back down south and begging Maria to take me back so that I'd at least have something to do with myself instead of feel guilt, but I couldn't go back to being used by her. I wondered if I kept up with starving myself if I could die somehow. Was death possible for the undead in some form?

I found myself walking further north and upon noticing that it was dark and rainy, I decided to chance going into town. Something was pulling me there and I didn't know what it was. I concluded that I was in Philadelphia thanks to the numerous signs around me. The sun was beginning to peel through the clouds and I panicked. My only choice was to duck into the diner in front of me. I sucked in my breath and tried to ignore the numerous scents around me as the door closed behind me and the bells above my head jingled. But my attention was held captive by the raven-haired girl sitting on the bar stool across from me. Our eyes locked for a moment and then she smirked, before jumping off of the bar stool.

"You've kept me waiting a long time." She said

I frowned down at her trying to decipher the meaning of her words as I tripped over my own.

"I'm sorry, ma'am." I replied, ducking my head

And for some reason in that moment, I had no thirst, or lust, or rage, or guilt. For the first time in almost a century, I felt hope.


End file.
